When couples are seeking my advice, I am often asked the following question, “what would/did you do?” Here is why we need to work to reframe that question together. When we are wedding planning together, it is not about what I want or how I would do things my own way. Planning your wedding is about what YOU and your future spouse want.
While I understand that you may be asking me because I am the expert, and you have never done this whole wedding planning thing before, we still need to ensure we are working to achieve your planning goals. We need to move forward with you taking the reins of your vision. I find myself constantly recalling the scene between Ally and Noah in The Notebook (“It’s not about what I want, what your parents want, what he wants…WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”). In all seriousness, it IS about what YOU want. You only get to live this day once. And while there is a TON of pressure to make it absolutely perfect, it is a day celebrating you and the love you share with one another. So if you start making decisions that are contrary to that sentiment, why would you agree to them?
If you and your future spouse want a wedding in the dead of winter, do it. Break up the monotony of the long winter months with a gorgeous celebration. If you LOVE the time-honored traditions that other couples are starting to move away from, embrace them. If you would rather have your wedding with a handful of your closest friends as opposed to a grand ballroom full of near strangers, why would you not plan it that way? This day should be the happiest day of your life. So why would you make decisions based on what others want and expect if that is not what brings you the most joy?
It is time that we take a moment to reflect on your wishes for the big day. And while it may be challenging to break away from what other people want (I 1,000% understand that!), you have to make the decisions you want made. In the end, if your decisions reflect your personality as a couple and are true to your beliefs and desires, the rest will not matter. Always remember - your wedding day is a day to celebrate you and your person. While other people most likely have invested in your relationship and in your big day, it is not their big day. So ask yourself, “what do we want?”
